Saying Goodbye

Hello everyone:
Over the past couple of years, I've grown quite accustomed to saying goodbye. Especially given that the foreigner community in Busan is so transient, you even make introductions with a hint of a farewell. "How long have you been here? When does your contract finish?" This repetition of parting desensitizes you to the pain that is expected at such times. Now, there are probably numerous reasons for this tendency. I can think of two obvious ones. All you who are much smarter and more insightful can probably come up with many more. But I have the keyboard.

(1) The relationships lack the depth to truly cause deep hurt at parting. As I said, we know from the beginning that we will say goodbye; we thus often insulate ourselves by subconsciously allowing for an emotional gap in the friendship. I could never claim that this is always true. Some people can break through such self-protective measures. Yet even in those situations, the general year spent here in Korea does not allow for the power of time to work slowly and mystically, fostering trust and dependency. We do need time spent together to inherently know the other person. This is not to say that we can't become close to a person quickly; rather, time will further deepen a close friendship.

I was talking with some friends the other day (is there a more general statement than that? I absolutely cannot recall either who or when it was) about relationships. Actually, now that I've spouted that generality, I think I was out to lunch with my small group a couple weeks ago. And I think it was my friend Mike who said it. I think. If I'm wrong, I'll quickly blame the hair color. So Mike mentioned that his mom (or someone else's ) believes strongly that two oppositely gendered people (assuming they are also heterosexual) will, when spending copious amounts of time together, develop feelings for one another. Like some inevitable chemical reaction or something (hey, I'm not a scientist, ok?). And I think there's a lot of truth in that. Proximity is essential for relationships. Who hasn't at one time felt themselves unavoidably and sometimes unwillingly drawn to someone with which they are constantly around? Yikes. Digression. I'm not sure why I wrote that except possibly in an attempt to illustrate how time with another person deepens feelings, romantic or platonic, for eachother. Ah, yes. There you are.

(2) The second reason I considered applies moreso to currently established relationships. Namely, people at home. I remember leaving for Korea, saying goodbye to my dear friends and family, and being mildly surprised that there was not more distress at the prospect of not seeing them for over a year. Admittedly, I was excited to go. That's the magic word, isn't it? I was the one leaving, I was the one headed for new adventures, I was the one facing life-changing experiences. When you get to go, it's the exciting possibilities of the future that lay so heavily on your mind. Of course, I knew I would terribly miss Michigan at times. And I do. But not when I was leaving.

Well, I just had quite a different experience with a recent parting. Jessica, who if you don't know her is mentioned in my India travels below, has become over the past year and a half one of my dearest friends. I certainly didn't come to Korea expecting to make so many amazing friends (and to anyone in Korea, yes, I do mean you). I also didn't expect to make another best friend. Tracy, Tamara, Alyssa, and Jo have long been my dearest friends. And it's been far too long since I've been able to spend real time with you! Such is life. With Jess, however, we have been together nearly continuously for all our time knowing eachother. At SLP, my old school, we worked together; our desks were next to eachother. We lived in the same apartment building. We hung out together. Then, after both of our contracts ended, we went to India together. After a brief return home, we both came back to Korea together. One day apart, actually. In brief, we’ve spent a lot of time together. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a single best friend near by. I have amazing friends, but their (your) lives naturally have numerous commitments. With Jess, it was just her and me. I came to depend on her.

Uh oh. I think I know where this is headed. If you guessed it, then congratulations; you get the prize. Yes, she announced that she was leaving. For various reasons, Jess decided it was time to go back home; she had been planning on going home for a wedding, but was supposed to return a week later. Instead, I discovered the Monday before the Saturday that she was leaving that it would be for good. I found myself suddenly and fully to be on the other end of leaving. I was being left. And not by someone I had planned on leaving. Imagine the effect it had. Yeah, about like that.

So I had a learning experience this past week. Not the best I've had and not the deepest insight either, but I believe it leaves me with a bit more insight at being the one who's left behind. I don't fault Jess at all, by the way. She did what is absolutely necessary. I'm just learning to adjust to the change.

Ok, put it on a happy note again. I'm now going to spend probably about the same time I took to write this in attempting to attach some photos. We had a really fun evening on Friday, going out with friends to Ganga, our favorite Indian restaurant, and then U2, a close-to-the-beach bar. If I get the pictures on, it will give me a chance to brag about some friends, too. Here goes.


This is Jess (center) and me (right) with our friend Leah (left, obviously). Just before the picture, we noticed we're all in pink. Kyra said that pink is a sign of femininity and tenderness. Naturally. We're at Ganga, enjoying the Palak Paneer that is better here than anywhere we found in India. You know that's good. Belvey gave Jess some garbanzo beans as a gift. Did I mention that this was for Jess's birthday?



To the right is the "yoga group." All of us have directly or indirectly been roped in through Jess. We all go on Tuesday nights together. Lots of fun, of course. I'm wondering right now if the guys will be mad at having their picture posted on the internet identifying them as yoga attendees. Hmm... maybe let's just keep the site quiet from them. And yoga is definitely for men, too. How could you argue with these masculine guys?




I love this photo. Richard grabbed my camera and got some really good ones. This is my favorite.

The whole night I found my emotions wavering dangerously between a euphoric excitement at enjoying this time with great friends and an ominously threating sobbing that I could sense creeping throughout my body. It was such an intensity of emotions; it's amazing how close a fervored happiness and total despondency can be. Thankfully I went for the former. But I had a good cry the next day after she left. This was a good night. I have tons more good pictures. Maybe I'll post them when I have more time to talk about the people.

For now, that's about all I have to say about that. I love you all. I'm looking forward to seeing you again, believe me. But then, I'm not really looking forward to saying goodbye.

Love you,
Aub

P.S. I went to a masquerade with some friends the Saturday that Jess left. I'm waiting to write about that until I have some good pictures. They really tell a better story. See you soon.