Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Go away, Snow White. Don't forget to banish the evil queen from her looking glass. And pull Narcissus away from his pretty face smiling up from the tranquil water. Take it all away and what do you have? A very interesting challenge.

I met with my women's group on Sunday; our topic of discussion was plastic surgery, but we digressed to other thoughts, all generally centered on the effect of appearance in our lives. Firstly, allow me to reiterate how much I appreciate having this group of women. They challenge me and allow me to examine myself and the world. Also, they are affirming in my own identity. Given interaction with others, we learn that our various idiosyncrasies are generally not so very uncommon. Assuming we are not speaking of aberrant conduct, most others will exhibit similar behaviors. Whether we consider our propensity as women to be hypercritical of ourselves and our bodies, to be competitive with other women, especially for the attention of men, or to be meticulous about various aspects of our appearance, most all battle with issues that threaten to take hold and drag us under water. These supportive women aid in allowing me to traverse the sea.

So as we meandered through what motivates us to care so much for our physical appearance, someone mentioned how we tend to take advantage of every mirror or reflective surface we happen by. You check yourself before walking out of your apartment. You watch yourself in the mirrors of the elevator on the way down. Passing by shop windows, you look yourself up and down. We constantly reassess our appearance. Is it a narcissistic fascination with ourselves? Or possibly motivated by society's standards to always appear as beautiful? Or is it as mundane as making sure our skirts are not tucked into our underwear? Whatever the motivation, there is an undeniable call from the mirror.

I recounted once sitting in a coffee shop, sipping on my mocha and people-watching through the large windows that lined the street. As each person rushed to their various destinations, they turned toward the windows. But the eyes that should have seen me sitting there stopped at the image that, step for step, kept pace with them, mimicking the critically assessing stare.

"What if," Aisha suggested, "we were to take away mirrors for a whole day. Go an entire day without looking in the mirror." An entire day? We decided that not a single look might be a bit dangerous, seeing that we wouldn't wan to scare people with whom we work. So we settled on three times: once in the morning, after lunch, and at bedtime. Other than that, no mirrors, no shop windows, no blank computer screens. No looking at our reflections. Could we make a day?

I was excited to start. After getting ready in the bathroom in one go, I said goodbye to my mirror and walked out the door. Stepping into the elevator, I stood before myself. Quickly I dropped my gaze from the mirrored walls and stared at the floor. The subway posed a similar problem. As I flashed by in the passing windows, I had to glaze my eyes to look just below the window. At school, a mirror is set up in the teachers' room, inconveniently next to my desk; I made a few unconscious errors when I would stand up, me reappearing with an expression of surprise at being caught in the act. To glance at my reflection is such an unconscious act; I am so accustomed to knowing and checking how I look.

Not being allowed to see any sort of reflection caused me to be acutely aware of just how often I glance at myself. Yet I found that I liked it; to be unaware of my appearance was, in a way, freeing. I didn't really know how I looked, but I also didn't really care. I saved one of the times looking in the mirror for yoga; seeing as how one wall is lined with them, I knew looking would be unavoidable. All day I had been without my reflection. I found that as soon as I sat in front of the mirror again, I could feel criticisms of myself growing inside. Would, I wonder, life just be better without mirrors? Would we be happier if we were not so often confronted with our own image?

I also noticed throughout the day that I knew when and where to keep my head down and eyes averted. Meaning, I knew where all the mirrors or reflective windows are. Although I subconsciously look, or possibly merely attempt to surreptitiously catch glances, I have a sense of exactly where to look. It made me realize just how often I assess my appearance. It helped me to know how I could so often be critical of myself.

During one of my breaks yesterday, I killed time by reading a few articles online about cosmetic surgery in Asia. Although difficult to find exact statistics, Korea is known as the world's leading nation for plastic surgery with an estimated 50% of women in their 20's having undergone some sort of procedure; the rates for men are increasing exponentially. It's so sad, really. Not just the surgery. What's sad is exactly how much emphasis we place on the aesthetic appearance of ourselves and others. And though I recognize this, I am no better than anyone else. I assess people's appearances, I make assumptions about people, I make comparisons. Our culture is tied tightly to the ideal physical appearance; those who fall far outside that ideal can be treated poorly and unfairly.

One article is from the online version of "Time" magazine; in addition to the report of the trend of cosmetic surgery in Asia, it spoke of personal experiences from a number of Asian people who for some reason underwent surgery. One quote is by Sakaguchi, a Japanese woman teased mercilessly throughout her life based on her looks; a boyfriend told her he would have never dated her before the cosmetic surgery she underwent on her chin, eyes, and teeth.

"'I always wanted to believe people were ultimately judged by what was inside,' she muses, her gaze hesitant and sad. 'But I knew from my personal experience that this wasn't true. It's always the pretty girls who win the good things in life.'"

And apparently this is catching on in businesses. To gain an edge, men and women are going under the knife, trying to stand out from the crowd. This is discussed in another interesting article from Seoul Style. I was going to quote it, but realized that this would then be too long. (Thou darest to accuse me of a long-winded nature?!) So check it out on your own if you are interested.

I will, however, end with this small excerpt from said article:

"Perhaps the biggest risk of all is the impact of cosmetic surgery on Korean society. Korean people currently place so much emphasis on superficial appearance. One girl comments, 'It's becoming ingrained in people's minds that unless they look good, they can never amount to anything. Shouldn't people be regarded for who they are and what they have achieved rather than what they appear to be?' Is cosmetic surgery, in fact, contributing to the burgeoning vanity of a previously pragmatic and innocent society?"

If only we could answer all the "shouldn'ts."