The World Ended a Week Ago...

I just glanced at the massive wall calendar hanging over my desk and realized that a week ago today was the end of the world. Didn't you notice either? It was May 6, 2006. 6/6/06 or 06/6/6 if you're from anywhere outside of America (deep sigh... we tend to confuse everyone by doing everything differently). Regardless, do note that either way it makes 6.6.6., which, for my readers who aren't numerologists, is the numerical sign of the devil. And I heard a few weeks ago that a bunch of wackos (and I use that term endearingly) in the U.S. were preparing to have the world end on "his day." I may have missed it, but the world ended a week ago. And I can prove it.

Well, I at least have two somewhat entertaining stories that, given a little tweak of your imagination, could bear proof to the imminency of the end-times. Work with me here.

Precisely a week ago, my apartment manager pulled me into his office to inform me that I had to move out of my apartment (and into the new one to which they were switching me) in one hour. "Excuse me?" Apparently the new owner was promised that he could move in at 7:00. I got home from work at 6:15. Now I really should have prefaced this by saying that I did have prior knowledge that I'd have to move. I'd been told a week earlier that I needed to be out the next day. I fought for longer and assumed that we came to an agreement as to which day. But apparently him not understanding English and me not understanding Korean weren't a fabulous combination. Go figure. So he was banking on 7 pm that night and I was planning on getting started at about 8 or so. We did finally come to a compromise after a very civilized conversation in the most impressively concocted sign language you've ever seen. I was to be out by 10 am the next morning. "Great," I said. And I directly went out that night with Richard, Pierre, and Saeyeon, leaving the work for early the next morning. It was the only responsible thing to do.

Next story. Then yesterday, after school finished and I was gathering my belongings to go home, 3 of the 4 male English teachers were lounging at their desks, discussing assorted Koreany topics in Korean. Suddenly I heard my name quite clearly in the midst of the conversation. As this is rather a frequent occurrence in the office, I usually am only mildly diverted before returning to my ignorant bliss. But this time the mention of my name was coupled with hearty laughter from all three teachers. I looked up to see all three staring bemusedly at me, nodding. "Can you guess what we said about you?" Mr. Kim queried, confirming my growing suspicion that this was not merely a discussion of my classes.

"Um, no," I replied. "It just sounded like, 'Korean Korean Korean Korean Aubrey Korean Korean' to me," pulling a line I read on Liz's blog. They laughed again.

"Well, I think you don't work out," said Mr. Kim. "You are getting VERY FAT." More laughter.

"Oh." Stop the dialogue. Here is where I must implore you, dear reader, to suggest the correct response to such a statement. What was I to say? I stuttered a few more "ohs," admitted quietly to myself that it wasn't very nice to say, then bid farewell and waddled out the door (which I thankfully still fit through), repeating a new mantra to myself: "That's ok to say in Korea; it's a cultural difference... That's ok to say in Korea; it's a cultural difference... That's ok to say in Korea; it's a cultural difference..." But I spent the walk from school to the subway glancing furtively at shop windows, assessing the truth of their observations, fixating on my gargantuan thighs, my protruding derriere. Assessment... inconclusive. It's amazing how a comment from someone can cause your reflection to morph so dramatically.

I should note that this really is acceptable to say in this culture. They are brutally honest with each other about appearance. Not my favorite aspect of the culture, at least not when it's not positive. Especially if it's true that I'm getting fat. Please, just lie to me. Say, "Well, don't you look fantastic!" even if I'm Violet Beauregarde from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" after she turned into a human blueberry. Oh well, bring on another fast. And as a matter of caution, I'm burning the outfit I wore yesterday.

So if these two stories don't convince you that the loonies were correct in predicting the world would end a week ago, then I must say there's no hope for you. Good luck out there in our strange, strange world.

Love Aub